if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
