I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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