well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
