Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
