oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
