just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
