I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
