he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
