It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
