Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
