i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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