And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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