i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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