Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize