Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize