Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
