I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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