fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
