THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize