Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
