Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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