I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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