Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
