when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
