At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
