I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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