what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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