I think I just saw someone hide a body.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
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