I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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