what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
