I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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