I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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