bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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