How'd it feel making her break her religion?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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