Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
