I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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