Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize