Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
being pregnant is like rehab
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize