I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
