i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
she smelled like a LAN party
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
