Welp...herpes.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize