I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
