The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
