Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
