I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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