Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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