I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
