Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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