i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
