I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
