your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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