hotel room ftw
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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