Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
