I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
