It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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