I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
wow bdsm is so cute
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