You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
