her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
