I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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