Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
NoShamevember. You game?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
