I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
