its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
