you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Moan for me like Helen Keller
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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