fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
This is my gift to your gina
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
