Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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