Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
