I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Randomize
